Last Sunday afternoon, I played flag football with a group of women from an online meetup, and I must say that I quite enjoyed myself. It was super noncompetitive and there was a wide range of people there, but we had a solid 7v7 game going and I threw a couple of touchdown passes, so a success in my book. I definitely benefited from some of Will’s pro tips before I went. I also might or might not have thrown an interception on the last play of the game that the other team returned for the winning touchdown… so there’s that.
The highlight of the afternoon was an older Russian woman named Gigi who showed up knowing absolutely nothing about the game. The first time the ball was thrown to her, while she was still standing on the line because she forgot to run, she shrieked, caught it, and sat down. The second time Gigi caught it, she screamed again and immediately tossed the ball forward, I guess to avoid getting tackled. In the second half, she ended up playing center (for the other team, not my team) and would hike the ball with absolutely no warning. She would also come over to my team’s huddles with the excuse that she “just wanted to learn about the game”.
The best part, however, was watching Gigi rush the quarterback. We played with a 5-second count: one alligator, two alligator, three alligator, etc. For some reason alligators were the accepted counting method of the afternoon, but Gigi hadn’t noticed. The first time she was on defense rushing the quarterback, she didn’t wait at all and rushed right away. After yet another attempt at explaining the rules, Gigi again rushed the quarterback right away shouting “ONEPICKLE TWOPICKLE THREEPICKLE”. For the record, “pickle” is definitely a shorter word than “alligator”. It literally took five attempts to make her understand that she couldn’t cross the line of scrimmage before she had counted to five, slowly.
I secretly think that she totally knew what was going on, and just wanted to mess with us. But it was entertaining for sure.